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Blue Mountains
Blue Mountains

ATTACHMENT: You & Your Partner

We believe that relationships should not be left to chance, but should be nurtured, explored, invested in, and maximized.  Your primary relationship should be one of the most meaningful and important of all human experiences, a gift that should be highly valued and mutually rewarding and supportive.  Attachment theory is based on the assertion that your need to be in a close relationship is embedded in your genes; you have been programmed to single out a few specific individuals in your life and make them precious; your greatest need for human connection is to be mutually and securely dependent on your significant other, spouse, or life partner.  In fact, your brain has a mechanism generically referred to as the attachment system which consists of emotions and behaviors that promote safety and protection by staying close to the ones you love.

The four "S's of attachment are:  I need to be SEEN by my partner.  I need to be SOOTHED by my partner.  I need to be SAFE with my partner.  I need to feel SECURE in our partnership.

Don't lose sight of these facts:
  • Your attachment needs are legitimate and important. 
  • You should not feel bad for depending on your partner; it is part of your genetic makeup
  • From an attachment perspective, your relationship should make you feel more self-confident and provide peace of mind.  If it does not, then your relationship could benefit from some work.
  • Above all, you must remain true to your true self.
Attachment theory is the primary framework from which Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was developed and  EFT is the primary approach employed by both Jack and Libby in couples therapy.